Laying in todds bed while he is out writing music and doing wonderful things, normally i would go with him but I’m feeling really sick. I haven’t done much today but i think that is kind of needed, being here has given me the chance to realize a lot.

I am away from everything I know right now, I Mean i know santa cruz but not like i know monrovia, and not like i know arcata.  Here i have to depend on todd, he is my go to, i have people i know, but no real friends here (yet quarter starts next week)  So when things get bad i can’t just walk away.  

Spending new years with the person I love was amazing.  Seeing him play in both bands and seeing people go wild for them… Im pretty sure I was glowing the whole time, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  after helping him move all his drum gear it was about 11 and we just wondered around this amazing house we were at until people started counting down.  In that last minute todd pulled me in a corner, and we stood there staring into each others eyes counting down from 10, and after that one we proceeded to scream happy new year along with the tons of other people in the room and i finally got that perfect new years kiss.  

this boy means so much to me.  Its hard to really explain unless you’ve been there.  When we got back together i was worried that things would be way different.  But we just picked up where we left off, and its a great feeling. 

It scares me to love some one this much, I’m afraid to get hurt, and afraid to lose him.  

so today as i was linking tumblr to tumblr I stumbled upon one of the most beautiful things that i had read in a while… and its valid:

i swore i would never get into a long-distance relationship, but when you find it, you can’t simply stop being in love.

the way she said this made my heart swoon, because it is so true. It made me look back and really think about the hardships me and this boy have had, and how we have gotten to where we are now.  Im happy he is mine, its hard to think of it any other way.